ante neku telisindi ee kada, nenu fix aite change avanu. nenu fix aaiya NC ani. ante. but, ninu adigina, i told you, i will write blog posts about you. ne email chesina mind fuck ki nenu icche blog reply.

ante manadi enta distancer-pursuer aipeyamu. i pursue you when i crave and you distance yourself. you pursue me very rarely and i put distance between us whenever you do.

ante now you will question, you never pursue me but okay, what i mean is that once in a while when you message and i do not talk. wait. ante okay clarity vochindi, i was pursuer and you were distancer. but i was only actively pursuing you.

nenu bratilimadina block chei nanu ani. nuuvu vinnav aa? ante, nenu chala maripoiyaanu. i am not the same which you know.

you brought a different kind of me out of me - the kind of me that i enjoyed, laughed about. that over-action and stuff. i like you for that. i crave that. no one other than her (and maybe some others) were able to get that out.

i blame myself for having emotions. i do not see emotions as a sign of weakness but rather that something which reminds me of emotions. i would wish to be devoid of emotions. i find them unnecessary but am required to harbour and display emotions. i feel but i choose not to feel. emotions are inconsequential to the actions and i would rather do something than acknowledge the emotions.

i may be not hate you but just hate loving you.

ante, you name the subject of the mail - “marriage invite” yenta koti veshalu. honestly, manalo mana mata, if i was in your position (which i was), i would have written the same thing. rasko. see. we think so much alike. anduke, ee post title - rsvp. nuuvu icche invite ki nenu icche rsvp. pandaga chesko. or as you would say, used to say, paaka yeli aaduko.

if you read this, it means, i tried to break my NC. if you don’t or just do not know about this, it saves my NC. ante NC lo any form of communication unda kodu kada. so yemi chesiyanu. ala ani ee post publish cheyaku pote emotions lopale undi potai. ooof oo devuda, naaku enduku eechavu ee emotions?

publish cheste chaltada. maali whatsapp-o, twitter-o deniti lona post cheyali. aina how will you read le? should i just leave it to providence? luck? destiny like in that movie Serendipity?

i have decided, to be more upfront about my feelings. these are my feelings, my emotions and because they exist, i have to accept them and take ownership of them. are my emotions not in my control?

lastly, lamp. the webpage name. explain cheyadam avasaram aa?

if this post is to be deleted, either send an email here from any random email address or issue a PR from random github account.